i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just want to make out with him forever
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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