he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
