how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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