you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
