I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
