I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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