Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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