words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
