go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
