My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
