Redeem this text for a blowjob
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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