Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
