It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
