there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
