plz talk dirty to me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
