AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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