Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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