if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
