Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So much rum. So many feels.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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