don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
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