Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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