The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
