I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize