i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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