Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
