it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sext me about skeletons
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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