So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
