there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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