on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
