I can text with my tongue
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
