I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i need some magic done to my vagina
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
