I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
