sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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