It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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