i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
