You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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