as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
