I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
