I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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