i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
