but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
