id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
