Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
