3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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