I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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