It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
