i will never coherently bang her
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
