I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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