saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
