I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
