how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
