Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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