Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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