Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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