OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
