Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Life is so much better after having sex.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
