he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
