I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
