The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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