u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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