I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
