I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
