I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How does one acquire holy water?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i believe in u and ur pee
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
