I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
