Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
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i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
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It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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