You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
