You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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