hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
