do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
