I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
