When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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