I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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