beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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